How Do Dreams Come True?

What brain science tells us about manifesting

How do we bring good luck, attract the perfect mate, or find a job that suits us and pays well? How can we get from where we are to where we want to be — is there a formula?

At one time or another, we’ve all struggled with meeting our goals, and there is never a shortage of people offering quick and easy advice. Yet quick and easy suggestions seldom bring the results we want, and we’re left feeling stuck, frustrated, and anxious.

Sometimes there is an element of randomness or poor timing when we feel stuck, but often there is a problem with our method. Predictably flawed human problem-solving systems are rooted in our neurobiology, and we start by understanding that our brains have evolved to be irrational. That’s right — despite our beliefs about ourselves, humans are not very good at consistent, rational thought and planning. Instead, our default is to rely on nonrational processes.

Nonrational thoughts and behavior happen automatically. They arise from our minds and are embedded in our culture.

We don’t think twice about stepping over sidewalk cracks to spare our mother’s back and walking around ladders rather than under them. We knock on wood, cross our fingers, carry good luck charms, and make wishes when we see falling stars. Though we hopefully realize that none of these behaviors will actually affect outcomes, we do them out of habit because they make us feel better emotionally. As a friend told me recently about her ritual of burning candles when she was hoping to land a new job, “Most of me doesn’t believe it helps, but one part of me does a little bit.”

Such nonrational beliefs and behaviors are examples of what behavioral scientists refer to as “magical thinking.”

Magical thinking is soothing and gives us the illusion that we have control over things that are actually out of our control. In moderation, these beliefs reduce anxiety, provide comfort, and allow us to bond with others who share similar beliefs. These are all good things because, in truth, life is scary, and there’s a lot to be anxious about. And anxiety can make us miserable.

From a rational perspective, we see that magical thinking is a type of cognitive error in which the human mind sees causality among entirely unrelated events. This is known as the illusion of causality.

Our brains construct our reality and have evolved to do so in the way that will be most useful for us as a species; strange as it may seem, a certain amount of irrationality helps us.

We can look at the human brain as made up of two processing systems. The prefrontal cortex's rational system is deliberate, abstract, and logical. This is the thinking center of the brain. It is good at methodically pondering, organizing executive functions, and ultimately serving as an effective problem-solver. However, this rational system works slowly and not always creatively.

The other system of the brain is the intuitive system. It’s quick, automatic, and associated with emotion. While it’s important for our survival in myriad ways, it’s nonrational and prone to errors. We process emotionally salient information more rapidly and automatically but with less accuracy.

Life works best for us when these two systems coordinate and integrate since they serve different but important functions.

When we rely on our emotional processing system to make decisions regarding long-term goals, it can lead us astray. Sometimes it can cause harm.

The metaphysical belief system known as the “law of attraction” (popular in recent years due to a book promoted by talk show hosts and self-help gurus) teaches that whatever we focus our thoughts on will “manifest” into reality. Those who embrace these teachings are typically focused on receiving material abundance, the perfect relationship partner, or a dream career.

Of course, just imagining you’re rich doesn’t make you rich, and this flawed belief system prevents people from taking effective action to help them achieve realistic goals. We must put time, logical thought, and energy into meeting a suitable relationship partner or establishing a career.

Over the years, I’ve watched many friends and clients attempt to follow this belief system and see disastrous outcomes. When the big dreams fail to magically manifest, the dreamer is blamed for not believing hard enough, resulting in shame.

I don’t see the law of attraction peddled in any of the world's impoverished countries because it smacks of privilege. If the women of Afghanistan could just magically manifest freedom, I think they would have done so long ago. If women in 1920s America had simply focused on manifesting the right to vote instead of taking action, we’d still be waiting.

So is dreaming of better things, jobs, relationships, and finances a waste of time? No. If we start by creatively developing a dream, we can plan logical actions to make it happen. Exploring dreams and developing an action plan is the secret to producing a good outcome.

If I’m going in for a job interview with a sense of defeat and insecurity, I’ll behave with less confidence and appear less competent; if a ritual or spiritual practice reduces my anxiety and allows me to behave with confidence, the odds are greater that I’ll get the job. We see change when dreaming of better things, lifestyle, and working conditions results in specific goal setting and decisive action.

Action is the key. One bright spot about the law of attraction and other forms of magical thinking is that they can cause people to expand their perception of options available to them and, therefore, change their behavior. And changes in behavior can result in improved outcomes.

Belief systems can give us a sense of purpose, help us bond with others, and make it easier to sleep at night. Our intuitive brain gives us literature, poetry, music, and strong gut feelings that are often correct. Reaching our goals happens when our visions are grounded in reality and lead to decisive action. An integrated brain means our hearts and heads are working together.

That’s where our power is.