“Take excellent care of yourself, Lisa,” he wrote in the letters sent to her PO box, “there are so many bad things that can happen when you least expect it. Even though I don’t know where you are tonight, we will run into each other soon. Remember, we’re always breathing the same air.”
It was 1990. Even though Lisa had come to the domestic violence shelter where I worked to escape her violent husband, he continued terrorizing her. He had told her he’d kill her if she ever left him, and he’d meant it. She’d done the right thing — she was trying to get away and make a new start. Yet, while she tried to manage life in a shelter and hold down her job while she navigated parenting, child custody, and filing for divorce, he felt free to send her vaguely threatening letters and park outside her workplace — at the time, he wasn’t breaking any laws. There were no laws against stalking back then.
His behavior escalated for weeks and culminated in an attempt to kidnap her. Though she wasn’t injured physically, he had robbed her of something essential — the need to move through the world in safety.
Lisa was my client, and hers was one of the first cases prosecuted under the first anti-stalking law in the United States, passed in California in 1990. Since then, all 50 states have enacted anti-stalking laws. The US Congress enacted the first Federal stalking law in 1996.
Lisa’s ex-husband was ultimately convicted of multiple counts of stalking and went to prison for enough years to allow her to obtain a divorce, change her name, and move away to start a new life.
Stalking impacts 1 in 3 women and 1 in 6 men in the United States, yet it’s still poorly understood by the general public including many mental health clinicians. Many victims don’t recognize it for what it is when it’s happening.
The Victims Resource Center defines stalking as “a course of conduct directed at a specific person that would cause a reasonable person to feel fear. Unlike other crimes that involve a single incident, stalking is a pattern of behavior. It is often made up of individual acts that could, by themselves, seem harmless or noncriminal, but when taken in the context of a stalking situation, could constitute criminal acts.”
Stalking has become easier in recent years. Technology has opened avenues for stalkers: spyware, keylogging, hidden cameras, and GPS allow for monitoring in ways unknown in the past. Texting is available 24/7 and doesn’t require a trip to the mailbox. And social media platforms offer an easy avenue into our personal lives by those who consider themselves to be our “friends.”
It serves us all to monitor the world we inhabit. One creepy text may not make someone a stalker, but two in a series may if they continue after someone has been told to stop. We need to understand our options when it happens.
Stalking has been studied extensively in the past 30 years, and psychological researchers have developed a clinically validated stalker classification system to describe them. Though the stalking behaviors may appear the same, different offenders can have different motivations and an intervention that works with one type of offender may not be at all appropriate for another.
Stalking is a behavior, not a mental disorder, and is not tied to any particular mental health diagnosis. A variety of mental health conditions are found among stalkers, and it is common for stalkers to experience various symptoms of multiple disorders accompanied by specific personality traits.
The Five Types of Stalkers:
Rejected Stalkers are the most common and the most dangerous type. They pursue the victim, often a former intimate partner, after the relationship ends. They experience a complex and volatile mix of desire for reconciliation and revenge. These stalkers may have a history of criminal assault and most likely have a combination of problematic personality traits (from cluster B). They are also likely to abuse substances.
Rejected stalkers appear to respond best to coordinated legal sanctions and mandated mental health intervention. Because they are most likely to become violent, rejected stalkers need intensive probation or parole supervision.
Intimacy-Seeking Stalkers want an intimate relationship with a victim they believe is their “true love.” They tend to imbue their victims with special desirability, excellence, and other qualities consistent with their vision of romanticized love. They tend to have a major mental illness with resulting psychotic symptoms. Most have erotomanic delusions.
Intimacy-seeking stalkers are most likely to be unperturbed by legal sanctions, viewing them as “the price to be paid for love.” They often require court-mandated psychiatric treatment due to severe mental health symptoms. The stalking behavior will stop once the underlying delutional belief system is successfully treated.
Incompetent Suiters stalk in the context of loneliness or lust and target strangers or acquaintances. Unlike the Intimacy Seeker, their initial motivation is not to establish a loving relationship but to get a date or a short-term sexual relationship. Incompetent Suitors usually stalk for brief periods, but when they persist, their behavior is usually maintained by the fact that they are blind or indifferent to the distress of the victim. This insensitivity is associated with cognitive limitations or intellectual disabilities, or poor social skills as a result of autism spectrum disorders or intellectual disability.
Incompetent suiters are apt to respond to social skill coaching and clear guidance on respecting boundaries.
Resentful Stalkers feel as though they have been mistreated or are victims of some form of injustice or humiliation. Victims are strangers or acquaintances who are seen to have mistreated the stalker. Resentful stalking can arise from a severe mental illness when the perpetrator develops paranoid delusions about the victim and uses stalking as a way of ‘getting back’ at the victim. The initial motivation for stalking is the desire for revenge or to ‘even the score’, and the sense of power and control maintains the stalking that the stalker derives from inducing fear in the victim. Often Resentful stalkers present themselves as victims who are justified in using stalking to fight back against an oppressing person or organization.
Coordinated legal and mandated mental health interventions are needed with this type of stalker. Once the underlying delusional thinking process is successfully treated, the stalking behavior will stop.
Predatory Stalker behavior arises in the context of deviant sexual interests and specific problematic personality features. Perpetrators are usually male, and victims are usually female strangers in whom the stalker develops a sexual interest. The stalking behavior is usually initiated to obtain sexual gratification (e.g., voyeurism targeting a single victim over time) and may also be used to obtain information about the victim as a precursor to a sexual assault. In this sense, stalking is both instrumental and also gratifying for those stalkers who enjoy the sense of power and control that comes from targeting the usually unsuspecting victim.
This dangerous type of predator requires a mandatory treatment program specifically geared to address his sexual proclivities and behaviors as well as the predatory thinking patterns.
I’m often asked if I’ve ever experienced a stalker, and I have on more than one occasion. My most persistent stalker — the one who went above and beyond — was a woman, an intimacy-seeking stalker with erotomanic delusions. A former client with psychosis who had developed an erotic fantasy, she stole things from my office reception area, left me creepy love letters, and searched out my home address which she then used to drop off gifts. This was disturbing and did eventually require legal intervention and mega attention to boundaries and home security, a practice I shall continue forever.
The news media is reporting that the man arrested for the Idaho college student murders had stalked the victims for months and had made repeated attempts to contact one of the girls on Instagram. If this proves to be true, this puts him in the category of the Predatory Stalker. If anyone is uncertain about how to manage a situation with someone who appears to be showing stalking behavior, help is available. It’s always good to talk things through with a trained professional and weigh all possible options.
Help for victims:
Victim Connect Resource Center Get Help
National Domestic Violence Hotline
References:
MacKenzie, R.D., McEwan, T.E., Pathé, M.T., James, D.V., Ogloff, J.R.P., & Mullen, P.E. (2009). The Stalking Risk Profile. Guidelines for assessing and managing stalkers. StalkInc. & the Centre for Forensic Behavioural Science, Monash University.
Mullen, P.E., Pathé, M., Purcell, R. (2000) Stalkers and their Victims. Cambridge University Press: Cambridge
Fergusson, D.M. & Mullen Jealousy: Theory Research and Clinical Strategies. Pub. Guilford Press: New York, 395p (second printing 1991, paperback edition 1992)
Once again, very well organized and presented. The case story beginning and transitions into the specific categories are well done. Coincidentally, my stalker was named Lisa. I'm pleased as punch to be in the 1-in-6 male category. I would like to get more details, usefully presented, about your own top stalker and the peculiarly specific behaviors she engaged with. This as a detailed case study, both for its prurient interest and more importantly the points that make up the general indicators of "Yo, you're being stalked: this is not a drill" would serve as unique aid in this area.
One final note. My previous professional information on stalkers and stalking are from "The Gift of Fear" - Gavin De Becker - and a friend with a background in forensic psychology. I have also personal acquaintances, all with horrific cases they deemed it worthwhile to share with me. From this little experience, I believe there is a need for your insights. Even the victims could benefit years later on reflection. I don't believe our society (do we even have one of those in this respect?) handles these social anomalies well at all.